Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
Randomize
