The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize