Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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