Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Randomize
