fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
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