This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
