I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
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