Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
Randomize
