remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Randomize
