Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Randomize
