i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
Come see our sink grown plant.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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