its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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