Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
