what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
Randomize
