what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
