After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
Randomize
