I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Randomize
