That arnold schwarzeneger picture looks strikingly similar to paul
Not half as good looking as paul
I'd say paul has bigger bicep peaks, but who am I to judge
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
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