Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
Randomize
