He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
Randomize
