I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
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