i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Randomize
