I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
Randomize
