you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
Randomize
