Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
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