She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize