I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
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