I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Randomize
