This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
Randomize
