worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Randomize
