no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
Randomize
