He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Randomize
