Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
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Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
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I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
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