Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
Randomize
