she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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