A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Randomize
