First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
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I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
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Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
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