I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
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