my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Randomize
