I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
