can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
I checked into jail on foursquare
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
Randomize
