OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
