He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
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