you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
