I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
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