Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Randomize
