Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Randomize
