I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
Randomize
