No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
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There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
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I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
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