So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
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