Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
Randomize
