Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
