When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
I enjoy the company of your penis
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