At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
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