Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
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