i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
Randomize
