I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
Randomize
