What a fucking waste of an outfit
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
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