walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
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