I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
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