There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...