rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Randomize
