I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
Randomize
