My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
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