U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
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