Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
