Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
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