Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Randomize
