I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Randomize
