i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
Randomize
