Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Randomize
